Fun With the Prime Directive

On Star Trek, the Prime Directive said that advanced technology must not be given to primitive civilizations because that would interfere with their society’s development.

My suggestion for having fun with violating this order is when visiting older civilizations such as Sturbridge Village, Plimoth Plantation, a Medieval Faire, or even Gaston in the Magic Kingdom at Disney World, you could tell them how to make flat glass for windows. The secret is to pour molten glass over melted tin, not on a cold surface. That is a simple insight but if you see primitive windows, you know they could use a little help. I would have a conversation such as this:

Hello, Gaston! You, sir, are a parade, a veritable Miles Gloriosus, a glorious military hero! I only have one issue with you. Oh, why did you want to marry Belle? She is not worthy of you! Sure, she might be the prettiest girl in your village, but even she says it is a small town! You should marry the fairest girl in the land.

You and I are men and we have an unwritten rule to marry a girl who is better looking than yourself. I know that can be a challenge for you. I am sure that everyone agreed that I followed that rule, but I am smart, and that helped. I can solve a Rubik’s cube puzzle in four minutes. What is a Rubik’s Cube? Sorry, I must not tell you, and I can’t show you. That would violate the Prime Directive.

But we can have a little fun around the edges of the Prime Directive. The windows in your tavern are lumpy and not good for seeing through. I will teach you how to make flat glass.

Tell your village tin smith to heat up an iron tray with some tin in it until the tin melts to make a smooth surface. Next, have your village glass smith pour molten glass on top of the melted tin. Keep heating the glass floating on the molten tin until the top surface of the glass is smooth. The liquid tin will make the bottom of the glass smooth and the top surface of the glass will flatten in the air. Let the glass cool and slide it off the tin when it is solid.

Don’t let Belle’s father find out about this because he might think you are the smartest man in town, and he might want you to marry Belle. If you married Belle you could have four or five scrawny boys running around your house singing with bad grammar, like their mother. She sings, “She won’t discover that it’s him ’til chapter three.” That is improper grammar. It should be, “She won’t discover that it’s he ’til chapter three.”

You should marry Snow White because she is the fairest of them all. If you don’t believe me, ask the mirror on the wall. She has a great personality and she cooked for the Seven Dwarfs and cleaned their house and taught them how to take care of themselves. She is awesome and you can learn a lot from her.

You can get her to love you because I visited the Seven Dwarfs’ mine where they were digging up cut and polished gemstones. That is not how they occur in nature. I think those guys have found the Pirates’ of the Caribbean treasure trove. If the pirates return and catch the dwarfs taking their treasure, they will get violent. I already warned Snow White about this. Only you, Gaston, can fight off the pirates, give them some of the gems, send them on their way, and protect the dwarfs. When you do that, Snow White will fall in love with you.

You do have a problem with your braggadocio personality. That indicates you are not convinced that you are as awesome as you pretend to be. If you saved the Seven Dwarfs from the pirates and married Snow White, you would be so awesome that you would act humble, and I am sure that Snow White would appreciate you.