Chuck Norris Jokes


Chuck Norris is a famous martial arts expert and TV and Movie star. There are many “facts” people have invented about how he can do the impossible or at least the highly unusual. For instance, Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the Earth down. When the Boogie Man goes to bed, he looks under his bed and in his closet for Chuck Norris. If you see a list of Chuck Norris Facts, you will soon be bored with the repetitions of these jokes.

Here are my contributions to the Chuck Norris Jokes:

Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
OK, so he feeds the eggs to hens who lay new eggs.

Prime Directive

Alien beings from another galaxy landed on Earth and asked Chuck Norris for his knowledge of advanced technology. Chuck declined to answer because that would violate the Prime Directive.

Explanation: In Star Trek, the Federation’s Prime Directive says do not give advanced technology to primitive civilizations because that would disrupt their evolution.

The Chuck Norris hyper skill factor here is that Chuck’s knowledge is so advanced that he should not discuss it even with beings who travel between galaxies!


One morning, before breakfast, Chuck Norris was computing Pi in his head, just for fun, in binary using Newton’s area of a unit circle algorithm, when he noticed the following bit sequence:

0100 0011 0110 1000 0111 0101 0110 0011 0110 1011 0010 0000 0100 1110 0110 1111 0111 0010 0111 0010 0110 1001 0111 0011

Which in Hex is:

43 68 75 63 6B 20 4E 6F 72 72 69 73

Interpreted in Unicode UTF-8 this is:

“Chuck Norris”

Correction! It was just after breakfast.
Chuck Norris does 3 impossible things before breakfast.
This, of course, is possible.
(That joke got 40 Hahas + Likes and 14 Comments!)

The first time Chuck Norris solved a Rubik’s cube it glowed blue, and he finished before he started. That confused non-physicists, so he now slows down and finishes when he starts.

Chuck Norris knows that he is your hero and everything you would like to be. Chuck Norris knows that the wind over your wings generates lift, and he is not the wind beneath your wings.


Mickey Mouse wears a Chuck Norris watch.

Saint Christopher wears a Chuck Norris medal.

When Chuck Norris rides a mechanical bull, the bull has to sign a waiver.

Chuck Norris made a fruit cake using his 3-D printer and everyone liked it.